The first post....hopefully, the first of many.  I feel like I should start with my life story but in reality I am not sure if anyone will ever find this blog or follow it.  I am starting this for me.  Mainly because I know the benefits of keeping a journal - for any reason. I've had a journal before - actually two or three. The first one was a tell-all journal - mainly about weight loss through AOL.  Through that journal I met many great online friends - many of whom I am still in contact with via facebook.  Once AOL journals closed I moved to blogger but since anyone could read blogger it became more of a friend/family update blog rather than a weight loss blog.  A part of me really missed being able to type whatever -- it's so much easier to tell strangers about my issues- my failures - my real lbs then it was to share that with family and friends. Then came facebook.  After a while I quit blogging - whatever I was writing on the blog I could just type in as a status update and all 500+ of my friends would know. :)  (However, once again there was definitely a feeling of only being able to put a positive post - I miss being able to share those dark and deep secrets with others who are going through the same thing).  So here I am again...a blog for me to have a place to blurt out what I am feeling without intimidation. If you're here - welcome. I invited you because I trust you and know you're struggling with similar issues or if you came here by chance and also struggle with similar issues I hope my honest writings will be an encouragement to you - that you're not alone!

Here are a few things about me to give you a background -

1) I'm 43 and have struggled with my weight pretty much since the second grade.  I don't ever really remember being "skinny" so really have no idea what it would be like to wake up in the morning and feel good about myself physically.

2) I married later in life at the age of 36.  Despite being told that I would have difficulty getting pregnant due to my physical issues I gave birth to my first daughter at 37 and my second at 39.  We lost a child at 14 weeks on April 26, 2012.

3)  I consider myself lazy.  I am. I would rather carry 14 bags of groceries in at once then make two trips (or heaven forbid three).  I don't really like to exercise - although I do like the feeling -- afterwards!  I hate housework of any type.  The one most tolerable to me is laundry.

4) I don't like to hand write pretty much anything.  I don't like my handwriting and at times it is almost physically painful for me to write.  I much prefer to type. I blame my elementary school teachers for making me write sentences - mainly for talking too much.

5) I tend to hold a grudge (see #4).

6) I love God,  my family and my friends.  I consider myself pretty loyal and pretty generous. Overall I think I'm a pretty nice person! :) 

That's all for now - there really is a lot more to me but I figure that will come out as I write. And I already know all this so I guess if no one ever visits my blog I shouldn't waste my fingers typing! :) lol