Ch 1 - What's really Going On Here?

So I finished chapter one of Lysa Terkeurst's book Made To Crave.

She starts the chapter telling me that I will crave what I eat.  Yep - the more I eat at McDonald's the more I want it.  So many times I have made something yummy and the thought of those left overs in the fridge just about drive me crazy wondering when I can possibly eat them.

Terkeurst then goes on to say that God made us to crave.  What?  Really?  I always thought of my cravings as wrong or sinful.  But in reality it's not the craving that is wrong but what I was craving.

Yes, we were made to crave - long for, want greatly, desire eagerly, and beg for - God.  Only God.

Wow!  Do I Crave for God like I do that Big Mac? That Sausage Pizza?  I can't truthfully say yes...so that is my pray today, this week, quite possibly for the rest of my life that God helps me to switch my cravings for Him.  To long and desire to know more about Him then something that tastes good for a few seconds. To not allow Satan to replace those God-given desires for something that gives me a moments pleasure (and a lifetime of guilt and grief).

Jesus was tempted by Satan and with each temptation Jesus, without hesitation, quoted scripture.  Truth is powerful!

What verse(s) can I use in times of temptation?  Lysa recommends :

Everything is permissible -

Not everything is beneficial.

1 Corinthians 10:23

If I can remember this and say this whenever I walk into the kitchen to grab a "bite" or sit down to a meal I think it will help me make better choices.  It's not telling me NO- you CAN"T have that- but it makes me think about the long term effects of those choices.  How is this going to benefit me. Sure, at this moment that food will taste good but in two hours will I feel sick, tired, and bloated?  Will I see the lbs start coming back on the scale? 

Personal Reflection Questions:

1. One weight loss company personifies craving as a little orange monster that chases us around, tempting us to eat unhealthy foods.  Take a moment to reflect on your own experience of craving, recently and over time.

My craving monster is NOT cute, little or orange.  When I picture it I think of it as large, huge in fact, dark and downright scary.  The Beast at it's worse! Sometimes it's little and cute...like when I am out with friends and they say oh let's get this appetizer or that one - we will split it and so it's not that bad!  or the Kids are driving me crazy let's go to McDonald's play land and have lunch! (Although small victory - went to McD's with the kids and BROUGHT my own lunch.  Did snitch about 5 fries but otherwise ate my healthy meal and felt sooooo good!) However, when I am alone my monster grows and becomes dark and overpowering.  Almost to a point where I feel like I can't control it.  It's driving my car through the drive through or grabbing those chips and dip. I know it's ultimately my choice but I have to acknowledge it before I can fight it!  Sometimes I wonder why God allowed this Monster to come into my life - why did He give me such strong desires of cravings that I almost feel out of control!  This chapter helped me to understand that I was Made to Crave. Crave God - I need to learn to redirect those feelings, those desires in the right direction.

2. How do you respond to the idea that God made us to crave? Have you ever pursed a craving that made a positive contribution to your life? What do you think distinguishes that kind of craving from the craving that leads you to eat in unhealthy ways?
I honestly can't think of anything else I have "craved" to this extreme. Maybe my education.  I do enjoy going to school and I always want to do well!  Completing my Master's was a big deal and I was thrilled that I got straight "A's" but I don't think the desire was as intense!

3. If it's true that we are made to crave, how might it change the way you understand your cravings?  Do you believe there could be any benefits to listening to your cravings rather than trying to silence them? 
I answered part of this in #1 but I think I need to listen to my cravings. Why am I craving something?  Am I truly hungry?  Bored? In need of something else?  I need to stop and think about what I am feeling - not just act on it!

4. The Bible describes three ways Satan tries to lure us away from loving God: cravings, lust of the eyes, and boasting (1 John 2:15-16). Lysa explains how Satan used these tactics with both Eve and Jesus.  Think back over the last 24 hours or the last few days to see if you recognize how you may have been tempted in similar ways.
Cravings: Food cravings for sure - although the last few days haven't been too bad.  Part of it was I had a 4 lb weight loss which always makes feel more motivated because I have had some success.  Also I am PMSing which means I am not that hungry. I know, weird right?  For me I have the crazy junk food cravings during ovulation and then before my period I am not as hungry.  I've always been odd! lol  No drugs or alcohol cravings for me - thank goodness.  I've never tried illegal drugs and the few narcotics I have been prescribed after surgeries make me so loopy that I would never want to take them if I didn't need them to control the pain.

Lust of the eyes:  I struggle with this as well. We live modestly.  I am a SAHM but also work full time but between my husband and I we don't make a ton of money. However, it's very hard for me to live inside a budget.  I love to shop.  Right now we are in desperate need of new furniture, new paint and a new mattress. I would also love to take the kids to Disney World and if it was just me I would just "charge it" and worry about it later but thank Goodness God brought an accountant husband to me who helps reign me in and makes me wait until we have the funds for something. I still crave those things but I am much more reasonable in my desires.

Boasting:  I think I do this more than I am aware.  While sometimes I like to do things anonymously there are certainly times when I bask in the praise of others.  I tend to overload myself and keep myself busy - almost too busy. I must confess that I do enjoy hearing others say to me "I don't know how you do it!"  I really need to be alert as to why I am doing something.  Am I doing this to serve God, to serve others or am I doing it to make myself feel better?

5. Jesus quotes the truth of Scripture to defeat temptation. Have you ever used Scripture in this way? What was the result? How do you feel about the idea of using this approach to address your unhealthy eating patterns?

 I love this idea of using scripture!  I know it works.  I know that is why we have scripture. I need to remember to use it and to learn more verses.  Any verses you have that you use?  

As Good as Skinny Feels

A friend and I recently started reading a book together.  She is also trying to lose weight (although she is WAY ahead of me -- go LP!). The title is Made to Crave and is a guide to "satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food". The author is Lysa Terkeurst. I've not read anything by her before but so far have enjoyed the book.  There is a lot to learn in there - a lot to take in and digest.  She also has reflection questions at the end of the first chapter.  I am a strong believer that those questions are one of the main keys of putting her ideas into practice and applying it to our own lives.  However, as I said before I don't really like to hand write so the thought of trying to write everything down was daunting.  BUT  I could type it so here I am! :)

In the introduction titled "Finding Your Want To Terkeurst states "It's not the "how to" I'm missing.  It's the "want to"...really wanting to make changes and deciding that the results of those changes are worth the sacrifice."

That's me.  I say I want to but too often I'm not really willing to make the sacrifice required.  I've seen the saying over and over that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels but when I'm sitting before a beef pot roast with mashed potatoes and gravy I'm not thinking about how good skinny feels but how good it will taste in my mouth - right then!!! 

Another thing Terkeurst says is "I think we all get to a place sometimes in our lives we have to give a brutally honest answer to the questions, "How am I doing?" It's not really a conversation we have with a friend or family member. It's one of those middle of the night contemplations when there's no one to fool.  There's no glossing over the realities staring us in the face."

I know I need to change.  I know I am not living the full life God has intended for me.  However, my life is full of excuses, of procrastination, denial and guilt.  A vicious cyle of sorts that never seems to get better but seems to actually becoming harder and harder to bear as I get older. After all it's easier to make excuses then it is to make changes.

The thing I find unique about this book is that it deals with spiritual malnutrition.  I feel overweight physically but underweight spiritually. Terkeurst believes tying these two things together is the first step on one of the most significant journeys you'll ever take with God.

She talks about the rich man as described in Matthew 19. He comes to Jesus and asks what he must do to have a full relationship with God.  "Jesus states "If you want to be perfect (whole), go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.  Then come, follow me." Matthew 19:21

The rich young man goes away sad because he won't give up the one thing that consumes him.  I can relate.  I allow food to consume me - daily/hourly.  So many times I am wondering what will my next meal be - can I drive through that drive through? Can I have another helping? What should I have for a snack?

Jesus is asking me "I want you to give up the one thing you crave more than me.  Then come, follow me."  Ouch!  That was more then I want to hear or be asked! Yet Jesus tells me in Mark 8:34 "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me".  With Jesus if I want to gain, I must give up. If I want to be filled, I must deny myself. If I want to get close to God , I have to distance myself from other things.

"God made us capable of craving so we'd have an unquenchable desire for more of Him, and Him alone. Nothing changes until we make the choice to redirect our misguided cravings to the only one capable of satisfying them." 

Getting Healthy is about recalibrating our souls so that we want to change - spiritually, physically, and mentally.  

Spiritually - I had to ask God to give me the desire to be healthy.  I need to do this daily!!!  Hourly....Beg for the "want to" - for His strength to help me make a smart choice at that moment.

Physically - I need to remember that what I eat matters.  It's true what the doctor's say - Eat better, move more! Really it's simple but needs to be a constant choice.

Mentally - I have to decide that I am made for more than this - more than a cycle of eating, gaining, stressing, eating, gaining, stressing.  "I am made to rise up, do battle with my issues and, using the Lord's strength in me, defeat them - spiritually, physically, and mentally -- to the Glory of God."

This was just the introduction.  As I reread it and typed it I am struck again at the simplicity of it as well as the challenge of it.  It won't be easy.  It will be one of the hardest things I have done but if I can put it into practice, to make it a way of life I will be so much better in every aspect of my life.  Not only will I feel better about myself but I will also be a better, wife, mother and friend.

Changes

One thing I have noticed when losing weight is not only that my clothes are fitting looser but I'm cold!  At my highest weight I was never cold - always hot!  I usually didn't even turn my heat above 65.  After losing 30 lbs I'm cold....often.  Our house is at 70 degrees most of the time and I'm still cold!  I am using more sweatshirts then ever before or always have a blanket on me on the rare moments I get to sit and watch TV or read a book.  What will I be like after losing another 30 lbs?  I will have to dress in several layers or wear a coat inside. lol  Hmmmm

I think I heard somewhere that your blood sugars can affect your feelings of hot/cold.  Losing weight, eating better and taking my meds more regularly certainly has lowered my blood sugar levels - so much so that I have been able to cut my meds in half. I am hoping that if I can lose another 50 I will be off those darn meds all together - which will save us money -- which is always a good thing!

The first post....hopefully, the first of many.  I feel like I should start with my life story but in reality I am not sure if anyone will ever find this blog or follow it.  I am starting this for me.  Mainly because I know the benefits of keeping a journal - for any reason. I've had a journal before - actually two or three. The first one was a tell-all journal - mainly about weight loss through AOL.  Through that journal I met many great online friends - many of whom I am still in contact with via facebook.  Once AOL journals closed I moved to blogger but since anyone could read blogger it became more of a friend/family update blog rather than a weight loss blog.  A part of me really missed being able to type whatever -- it's so much easier to tell strangers about my issues- my failures - my real lbs then it was to share that with family and friends. Then came facebook.  After a while I quit blogging - whatever I was writing on the blog I could just type in as a status update and all 500+ of my friends would know. :)  (However, once again there was definitely a feeling of only being able to put a positive post - I miss being able to share those dark and deep secrets with others who are going through the same thing).  So here I am again...a blog for me to have a place to blurt out what I am feeling without intimidation. If you're here - welcome. I invited you because I trust you and know you're struggling with similar issues or if you came here by chance and also struggle with similar issues I hope my honest writings will be an encouragement to you - that you're not alone!

Here are a few things about me to give you a background -

1) I'm 43 and have struggled with my weight pretty much since the second grade.  I don't ever really remember being "skinny" so really have no idea what it would be like to wake up in the morning and feel good about myself physically.

2) I married later in life at the age of 36.  Despite being told that I would have difficulty getting pregnant due to my physical issues I gave birth to my first daughter at 37 and my second at 39.  We lost a child at 14 weeks on April 26, 2012.

3)  I consider myself lazy.  I am. I would rather carry 14 bags of groceries in at once then make two trips (or heaven forbid three).  I don't really like to exercise - although I do like the feeling -- afterwards!  I hate housework of any type.  The one most tolerable to me is laundry.

4) I don't like to hand write pretty much anything.  I don't like my handwriting and at times it is almost physically painful for me to write.  I much prefer to type. I blame my elementary school teachers for making me write sentences - mainly for talking too much.

5) I tend to hold a grudge (see #4).

6) I love God,  my family and my friends.  I consider myself pretty loyal and pretty generous. Overall I think I'm a pretty nice person! :) 

That's all for now - there really is a lot more to me but I figure that will come out as I write. And I already know all this so I guess if no one ever visits my blog I shouldn't waste my fingers typing! :) lol